Evidence of animal that moved 550 million years ago..

found in Canada. Reported in New Scientist Mag the worm like creature lived on the ocean floor and by all accounts was previously a fern. These pre-Cambrian ferns called Ediacarans swayed in shallow salt waters secured by a root or foot of some type. Evolution, ever the joker then developed this ability to move around hence the fossil trail pictured above. So far, this is the earliest evidence of mobility of any kind, anywhere on earth. The trail suggests that in the move from one place to another the creature was acting purposefully. Now then, there's no evidence a brain was involved but something lit up a ganglia of sorts in that tiny example of things yet to come, and off it went. There were no predators to chase the old thing because evolution was yet to develop fish and crustaceans. Maybe another Ediacaran also out for a wander got too close or the neighbourhood became too uncertain. Or maybe it was just that time of the day when a group of special cells decided to saddle up and light out for the territory.

It is fascinating that the modern scientific eye can gaze on evidence that is 550 million years old and make some sense of it. Equally astonishing is that 550 million years ago a creature evolved that could move under its own volition and thereby gain a distinct advantage over the other fronds who just hung about.

Giant pumice raft...

found in Pacific Ocean. Following a long meander the Manhattan sized edifice, by then awash with briny life will fetch up on Australian shores bringing hope and cheer to what's left of the Great Barrier Reef. And in these dark time there will also be briny life, oh yes there will be briny life. 

Giant parrot fossil found in...

New Zealand not far from the fossil of a giant penguin who disappointingly is not shown on the diagram. Note the mischievous bird is eyeing up the woman's purse.

One is forced to surmise such a creature's cage would take up half the average living room. And a cage would be necessary for this large bird especially if you were fond of your furniture.

There'd be no chuckling under the chin or fingers through the cage bars. And shrieks of “WHO'S A PRETTY BOY THEN!" would probably see off your modern eardrum.

The parrot's capacity to mimic language would also need to be carefully managed especially if every utterance was available to the whole street. After "WHAT THE FUCK MALCOLM" is bellowed a hundred times the wistful shrugs and wan smiles shared with neighbours might lose their potency and especially if local infants start to copy the parrot. It's a well known fact that 3 year old blasphemers are held back in nursery.

"Eating us out of house and home" is a phrase generally reserved for growing teenagers but what to say to that which eats your house and home. For this omnivore a haunch or two of venison might be more impactful at getting attention than whispers of "Please stop Polly" though whispering is a wise move as these creatures are notoriously nervous and have a hatred of sudden noise.

Finally, the rhythm slows and the long day eases with a light touch into those shallow moments just before sleep. The king size sheet, for so long at the bottom of the bedding chest is tossed never casually over the feathered funster and finally the house rests. Unless that is the damn thing talks in its sleep. And as the sheet billows the bird bellows, "PUT THE FUCKING LIDS BACK ON THE FUCKING JARS. HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU."

That the giant parrot's stalking days are long gone must surely be a blessing to us all.

Mass brawl on a P&O

cruise ship has caused a stir in the British Press. A black tie event was spoiled when offence was taken to some wag arriving in a clown's outfit. Rather than congratulations for pricking P&O pomposity the clown was set upon by disgruntled passengers. In the ensuing melee the buffet was overturned, chairs were thrown and there is mention of a table leg though it's not clear what role that played. I'm assuming the leg was waived about as are such items in a fight.

I have visions of a camera slowly panning down a queue of men in bow ties and women in long evening dresses before pausing at the chap in a one piece clown suit and curly orange wig perched atop a white face with his bright red mouth painted into a scary grin. Everyone seemingly ignores this distractive element to an otherwise formal but relaxed evening little knowing that beneath the sang froid a pressure is building and ready to explode. Which of course it then did and over went the chicken drum sticks, the cocktail sausages and profiteroles. Up flew the vol-au-vaunts, the salmon and cucumber sandwiches cut into triangles with the crust removed. Away went the punch as punch after punch was thrown this way and that by Krusty the Klown on the one hand and assorted red faced cruisers on the other.  Only the crew’s swift work deploying liberal doses of CS gas and buckshot enabled a semblance of order to be finally restored.

A spokesperson for P&O said later, "Well, none of us saw that coming."

Chimpanzees bond best over a good movie...

or so The Guardian reports today. Researchers in the US studying the matter say chimps are more sociable after popcorn and a good weepie. Bit like the rest of us, then, methinks.