Monday, August 10, 2015

Pitcher plant in France eats only foreign...

hornets reports BBC. Evil Asian hornets with talons like Fu Manchu and a taste for the saintly European bee have finally met their match in the pitcher plant Sarracenia. "Asian hornets are a menace to beehives." Says an unnamed bee lover.

A spokesbug for the Ancient Order of Asian Hornets replying to the charge said, "We are a menace but we're also part of a growing movement to eat more insects. Call us a green menace if you must. Yes, yes I know we're really yellow and some other colour that's not black but you catch my drift." Asked to comment on being eaten themselves the spokesbug said, "With us it's a ying and yang thing. One day you eat the bear the next day the bear eats you. We're not remotely like your European bees, always whining, never happy. For us it's an honour to be eaten by Sarracenia. Know why it's called a pitcher plant? One whiff and you'll pitch into anything. Ha ha ha. That's a little hornet joke. No? Ah well, please yourselves. Any more questions, comments? "Good, because I'm late for a beehive party. Harry, fetch the car round."

Thursday, August 06, 2015


Souvenir  (link to crackly old vid on youtube but a great tune nevertheless)

Sunday, August 02, 2015

Ancient Sperm...

found hidden in rock, shock. On seeing daylight the aged Sperm blinked and said. "I got lost, it was dark. Hey where are the guys? Billy, Trev, Arthur. We were swimming, down a long tunnel, it seemed long at the time. We were excited. We'd even practised... My God this place has changed. Last thing I remember was hitting my head. I hope the others are okay."

Sunday, November 30, 2014

Depressed chicken loses will to live...

reports the Renfrew Gazette. This sad tale of maltreatment by a nasty farmer might have achieved another ending but for the vet who then broke it's neck. Freed from a lifetime of shit the poor bird glimpsed salvation for the briefest moment cradled in the arms of a kindly grey haired gentleman with warm but firm hands. A little too firm as it turned out. Squawk!

Thursday, November 27, 2014

I'm inspired by my friend...

Guyana Gyal to post a link to the marvellous Penguin Cafe Orchestra. I'll say no more, just follow the link for a tiny bit of joy.

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Oldest man in Tokyo...

been dead for 30 years reports the BBC. Local officials became suspicious after not seeing Mr Sogen Kato for 30 years. "30 years may seem a long time to some," Said one official, "But we've been busy."

A spokesperson for the records office said, "Mr Kato has now been stripped of his title and sash though he can keep the sash because it's holding him together."

A further spokesperson told Associated Press. "When dealing with the dead it pays to be on your toes. In this case we failed but then again so did Mr Kato whose toes fell off some time ago."

Thursday, November 20, 2014

La Grande Bellezza...

or, The Great Beauty is a blisteringly good film about an elegant 65 year old Roman journalist specialising in art, culture and the ocassional catty put down. Rome looks, well, ravishing if a little wrinkled at the edges not unlike Jep himself. An event from the past reaches out to shake Jep's urbane cool and we then follow this quizical comical man who likes to party but wearies of partying. A living saint arrives in Rome whom Jep has to interview but instead she sleeps on his floor. Sipping coffee on his balcony the following morning amidst a gathering of strutting and preening pink flamingoes this dessicated diva archly suggests to Jepp that what he might lack is roots. Watching in astonishment Jep wonders if she might be right.