Tuesday, May 28, 2013

People chase cheese...

down a Gloucester hill, shock. This weekend thousands of excitable cheese chasers met in leafy Gloucester atop a very steep incline. With no thought to life or limb these hardy souls plunged after said cheese with vigour. More than one race meant everyone could have a go. As I understand it broken limbs were minimal, broken heads minimum and broken jaws, mmmm, mm. In a much criticised move organisers used a fake cheese for safety reasons. It's clear from the photo below that a false cheese made all the difference. Next year they're hoping to arrange proceedings on a false hill. 

As usual local police took a dim view of the event with Sgt Jabez Knacker telling the press, "We take dim view of the event." The ambulance service, on the other hand, had an excellent day out and used up all their bandages.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Awakening after...

after 17 years underground in the US of A billions of cicadas emerge to focus on six solid weeks of sex, drugs and wild partying. 

Speaking for cicadas everywhere Joey Tremblewing told the New York Times, "While the frenzy of sex, drugs, noise, booze and wild partying might appear excessive to some we must not forget those who heeded  the UN's call to eat more insects by plunging into a vat of chocolate."

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Eat more insects...

says UN. Marty Bodkin, spokesbug for INSECTS! the main European collective of Insectum and Allied Chitinous Groupings, pictured, told Associated Press, "Just because we're small it doesn't mean we can't love."

Marty, always one to provide a little colour was later seen gorging at the bottom of an unwashed jam jar while belting out that old classic, "If you think we are fucked clap your hands."

Another spokesbug for INSECTS! told the BBC sternly, "It's a disappointment to us that Marty is back on the jam."

Thursday, May 09, 2013

Much controversy

at London conference entitled "Did humans come from the seas instead of the trees?" The orthodoxy challenging proposal speculates that humans are descended from apes living aside water rather than wandering Africa's dry savannahs. Professor Rhys Evans says "We are trying to discuss the pros and cons of the theory... But many of the things that are unique to humans - such as a descended larynx, walking upright, fat beneath the skin, and most obviously an extremely large brain - it seems can best be accounted for as adaptations to extended periods in an aquatic environment."

Not being one to jump the gun, so to speak, I can claim a little credit for highlighting some time ago evidence contradicting the standard notion that gorillas are fearful of water.

Dan Flynn, ahead of the pack. Odd I wasn't invited. 

Wednesday, May 08, 2013


Edinburgh University have declared exposure to sun is good for us. Yes, there's a chance of cancer but who isn't willing to take that chance when the alternative is ricketts, scrofula, scrapie and weeping skin lesions only curable through an urchin's touch? Not many of us I'll be bound and especially since the urchin shortage shows little sign of relenting. Unless, of course, at the next election the Tories get in again. If they do we can add being buggered to that dismal list.

Such a miserable post Dan. What the fuck's going on?