Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Uncrackable code...

found in chimney attached to pigeon's leg.

"We don't know what it means." Says representative of GCHQ where Britain's premier code breakers work.

"We're not sure either." Says spokesinfant for SOOT, the Federation of Sweeps, Urchins and Allied Child Labour.

Klaus Von Boid, of the "Lost Pigeons of WWII" Cardiff East Chapter told Associated Press, "That code has stood the test of time which is more than can be said for the leg."

Monday, November 26, 2012

Detached leg...

of spy pigeon found in chimney 70 years after getting lost. Attached canister contained undelivered message.

"He adored that leg." Said veteran spokespigeon Klaus Von Boid whose great grandfather knew the owner. "Of course it looked a lot better back then, more fleshy."

Mr Von Boid, Chair of the "Lost Pigeons of WWII" Cardiff East Chapter told the press "Mind you those canisters were a bloody death trap. Bakelite you see, weighed a ton. Avoid chimneys they were warned and ledges. Damned things dragged many a good bird down that final squawking plunge. Found in a chimney you say? Well, it just goes to show."

* and the undelivered message? More of that later.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Man breaks four...

limbed sprint record, shock. Except the record Kenichi Ito beat was his own. Ken spent nine years training to defeat himself in this singular event. Being the only known non primate exponent of four limbed sprinting Ken congratulated himself on a job well done. Far be it from me to focus on the bleedin' obvious but coming first in an event of which you are the sole practitioner can hardly be a surprise. Watching the footage one wonders where those nine years went.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

New Years Eve 1931...

and in  New York hopefuls parade their new season designs for Masonic regalia.

Unfortunately the post Crash depression forced a retreat from ostentation and return to the small pinafore but we can see that a bit of effort was being made. 

Sadly, none of the above is true, except of course the 1931 and Crash bit. These fellows are in fact architects wearing models of the buildings they designed.

Would that such a practice remained in place today because Anish Kapoor should be forced to wear a model of the monstrosity he designed for the London's Olympic Park. Mind you, he'd only trip over it, probably sprain something. Looking like an eruption of park railings the thing's clearly a neck hazard.

The structure's original brief called for Eiffel Tower elegance and Statue of Liberty chic. Normally, elegance and chic are big ball parks and hard to miss. However, the final design was passed unanimously by a committee of nine meeting regularly in an ivory tower overlooking neither Elegance nor Chic. And lo this circle of nine agreed a composition matched in ugliness only by its name: The ArcelorMittal Orbit.

Fortunately, and to prove we've all not lost our senses a Guardian Poll at the time recorded 38.6% for "Yes, it's a grand design" and 61.4% for "No, it's garbage"

I'm also cheered that "arse" is the first syllable of the bloody thing's name. 

Been meaning to get that off my chest for sometime.

Monday, November 12, 2012

John D Barrow...

speculates that our present Universe might not be alone and concludes "Copernicus taught us that our planet is not at the centre of the universe. Now we may have to accept that our universe is not at the centre of the Universe."


I'll return to this once once I've had a lie down.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

The Stanford Love Competition...

uses MRI scanning to survey the brains of people in love, or not, as someone learns. Each gets five minutes to think and feel deeply about whom they love whilst the machine captures brain chemistry changes. Cold science maybe but in a very sweet film the winner is very sweet too. Ah...

Thursday, November 08, 2012

There's something...

bloody odd about having an owl instead of the best man (or woman) deliver the wedding ring on that happiest of days. The Church Weddings Handbook begs to differ. More couples are breaking with tradition by using animals to convey those golden bands to the altar. Eagles, Vultures and Condors are not suitable given their propensity to eat the smaller guests. Being highly strung excludes cloven hooved creatures like gazelles and wildebeest. Not much point tying those darling rings to an animal geared for flight at the first crack of knee on pew. With twitching ears, pawing of nave floor, wide panicky eyes and snorting nostrils those beasts are built for neither patience nor the Christian liturgy.

Should marriage ever heave itself over the Flynn horizon my choice would see the rings borne aloft by hordes of soldier ants. Those tiny scurrying nipping creatures could also double to keep the congregation alert.  Ha ha, imagine the jealousy.

"Darling, I know the Komodo Dragon can be a problem but we need an outdoor creature since those ants ate the church. It's very simple really."