New Zealand not far from the fossil of a giant penguin who disappointingly is not shown on the diagram. Note the mischievous bird is eyeing up the woman's purse.
One is forced to surmise such a creature's cage would take up half the average living room. And a cage would be necessary for this large bird especially if you were fond of your furniture.
There'd be no chuckling under the chin or fingers through the cage bars. And shrieks of “WHO'S A PRETTY BOY THEN!" would probably see off your modern eardrum.
The parrot's capacity to mimic language would also need to be carefully managed especially if every utterance was available to the whole street. After "WHAT THE FUCK MALCOLM" is bellowed a hundred times the wistful shrugs and wan smiles shared with neighbours might lose their potency and especially if local infants start to copy the parrot. It's a well known fact that 3 year old blasphemers are held back in nursery.
"Eating us out of house and home" is a phrase generally reserved for growing teenagers but what to say to that which eats your house and home. For this omnivore a haunch or two of venison might be more impactful at getting attention than whispers of "Please stop Polly" though whispering is a wise move as these creatures are notoriously nervous and have a hatred of sudden noise.
Finally, the rhythm slows and the long day eases with a light touch into those shallow moments just before sleep. The king size sheet, for so long at the bottom of the bedding chest is tossed never casually over the feathered funster and finally the house rests. Unless that is the damn thing talks in its sleep. And as the sheet billows the bird bellows, "PUT THE FUCKING LIDS BACK ON THE FUCKING JARS. HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU."
That the giant parrot's stalking days are long gone must surely be a blessing to us all.
