with a topical blog, perhaps a light subject such as events at Nuremburg Zoo and that mama bear eating baby bears but decided against given it might prove too sensitive for some stomachs, but not for that huge bear'shttps://cdn.zmescience.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/110727-coslog-xiaotingia-9a.photoblog600.jpg stomach! Ha ha ha. Speaking of which, I couldn't locate a photo of said polar bear eating its cuddly off-spring but did find this image of lions eating some type of horned creature, or to be more specific ex-creature.
Whilst on the subject of things eaten I want to mention, for one final time the Christmas bird. That bird was a giant among birds and I'd like to say I'm sorry it was shot, but I'm not, sorry that is. On Christmas morning we rose to open our pressies and discovered the bloody bird had supped all our Christmas booze. In the kitchen I tiptoed over empty wine and gin bottles thinking, "I'm sure we didn't finish that gin." when the sound of muffled singing came floating like an angel's air from the oven. A sea shanty it was, indeed Ewan McColl's, 'Shoals of Herring'. At first I was enraptured, transported, and even joined with a hearty verse or two myself before poking a rifle through the oven door and shooting the fucker stone dead. The bird squawked "You've got me guv." in a mockney baritone, followed by, "I'm a gonner now my ow'ld darlin'. Have a care sweedart," until finally resting its ashen face on the par boiled spuds I'd put in earlier for roasting. A tear almost blinded my eye when the bird chirped, "I'm not finished yet." and together we completed the final three verses with me on harmonies.
10 hours on gas mark 6 and the bird came through for us, as we knew it would. Also, the cheeky get didn't find the wine we'd stashed in the cellar, stupid animal confined its search to the fridge. Pre-Cambrian Birds? What the fuck do they know about modern living.
Next year, in honour of that bird's passing we're gonna eat horse because I read somewhere that birds and horses were once related, way back. Or was that birds and dinosaurs? Bollocks, as far as I'm now concerned something equine's gonna get it, in fact I can already see Trigger in the next field, "Mama, fetch that gun. Yee haw!"
Note to self, will require larger oven.
8 comments:
i can't believe you ate the whole thing. Need some Alka Seltzer?
K,
We ate every last morsel and jolly good it was too. I had a leg so big that as it was winched onto my plate the neighbours thought there'd been an eclipse and changed their religion from Christianity to Druidism. That, my friend was some bird. A life changer. And what did it taste like? Like chicken of course.
aren't wildebeast and birds related too? Maybe you should elbow the lions out of the way...
(may the rest of your year be filled with more tales and exploits! xoxo)
Now now Hayden, elbow lions out of the way? I think you take this liddle joke that one step too far! Elbowing lions indeed. I've no intention of following that bird onto someone's menu, thank you very much. Re the bird wildebeeste connection, hmm didn't know they were related though your suggestion might just have saved a horses life. Now, where's the yellow pages... ah butchers that specialise in Wildebeeste, would that be under B or W?
I hope 10 hours on gas mark 6 was enough to evaporate the gin.
Rachel,
Evaporate? It almost blew the bloody door off! To paraphrase a well known London actor. However, the gin gave the meat a loverly juniper flavour that we weren't expecting which just goes to prove that there's a silver lining to every silver lining. Now, because you've visited me twice and seem a nice sort I'm gonna add your name to my little list of links. Oh yes.
Well I'm sho glad that toikey didn't gobble you, Dan.
Yes, yes, horses and dinosaurs are related, remember Pegasus the flying horse?
G,
I do remember Pegasus. Not personally though. He shat on my roof once. At least that's what the local drunk explained to me when we were looking for an explanation as to the hole in my slates.
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