is currently sweeping westwards into the UK from Russia. It's impossible to turn on the TV or radio without being terrified by expectant tales of freezing conditions and arctic weather. It will be so cold tonight, we are warned, that anyone foolish enough to expose even a leg outside the duvet shall wake tomorrow with said leg frozen into a block of ice and most probably also stuck to the bed. Rumours abound that Health chiefs have hired teams of crack Italian knife grinders to keep hospital instruments sharp for all the cutting and hacking that's expected to be done. In Southern England the government has commandeered all the saws so someone must be expecting the worst. Worry about amputation therefore grips the populace forcing many into feverish re-readings of the limb clauses in their life insurance. In every town trembling fingers trace actuarial lists pausing over 'C' for Compensation but then moving to 'L' for Loss only to further discover sub-sections for the arm, leg, nose, ear. Ear! How long has that been a limb?
Fearful for their ears people today have rushed to purchase hats and it's even become impossible to buy a tea cosy such is the panic. From Yorkshire and Lincolnshire, the two counties expected to bear the icy blast's brunt news arrives of knitwear factories looted, sheep pillaged and babies robbed for their cute headwear. Early cases of mitten death have begun to surface.
Below zero temperatures are forecast to last until Wednesday.
4 comments:
Huh. Have you sent your wretched weather our way, then? Or did we get ours from Russia via a different route?
Snow expected, always a rare event in the SF Bay area. Will probably be confusing if it mingles with the cherry tree blossoms.
Hayden,
Hmm, I've always had this idea that you continentals were used to the freezing weather living on huge landmasses such as you do. Those of us who live on islands warmed by the gulf stream expect our winters to be a little more clement. As for me, I like distinct seasons. Spring, summer, autumn, winter, four distinct seasons marked by changes in the weather. That's how it's supposed to be and that's how I like it.
My brother said his little daughter pelted him with snowballs and she giggled when I asked her about it.
Seems as though some folks were enjoying the snow...oh the crazy tales my brother told me...one man hooked up his skis to a car...some women wore bikinis and sun shades and pretended they were in some sunny island, sun bathing.
All is well despite the fears, it seems.
G,
I really loved the snow. It changes everything, softens everything, even noise is different because the snow softens noise too. Let's have more of it is what I say.
Loads of schools closed and whole families took days off and played with their children. It was a great time. Only the conservative press went on about the billions lost to the economy by people taking time off. However it was good to see news footage of families and children enjoying themselves.
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