Sunday, October 02, 2005

Dateline Harrisburg Pennsylvania...

where some loony right wing Christians are once again trying to overturn Darwin's theory of Evolution this time by arguing that through scientific method they can prove God exists and evolution is wrong. The Sunday broadsheets here in the UK have articles on the story. Now, we all agree that the universe is huge, and we're talking stupendously huge here, however the loons state that it is so huge and complex only God could have designed it. Ipso facto he did, therefore he exists and evolution is wrong. A question I wish to ask is, if God designed the universe why did he make it so big? I deeply suspect it's a means of keeping some distance from the weirdos who are currently arguing about his wondrous ways in court.

This size thing is interesting though because if God is everywhere at all times and the universe is expanding does this mean he's getting thinner? I think we should be told. Be wrong not to tell us because if at the moment of the big bang God was pretty concentrated, like you get with washing up liquid say, 14 billion years later he must be quite dilute. We may have been sold a pup on this God deal because he's not the God we've been promised. I don't claim to be an expert on the bible but I'm almost certain there's no warning label sown anywhere within it's pages that states of God 'Danger: Prone to Dilution' or 'May fade in direct sunlight.' And in this universe of ours there's a lot of sunlight. So now we find God subject to two pressures, he's diluting and fading. No wonder he's not letting on, I bet he's knackered. Managing an expanding universe? It's important to keep your anonymity and avoid accusations of favouritism what with so many galaxies and planets around. And at the very moment when the exhaltedc one declares it safe some right wing nutters on the tiny blue ball go and prove he exists. I bet it's enough to make your average Deity weep.

These people just don't know what they're doing.

9 comments:

DCveR said...

Maybe He is growing and that is why the Universe is expanding.
And if He is growing,it means He was a lot younger when all this was created, maybe even just a kid. That could in fact account for the reason so many things make no sense: this Universe can be nothing but a kid's play.

Dan Flynn said...

Good point D,

maybe he is growing. I'm not sure how long the universe is supposed to last so can't really say how old God is, he might be fourteen? Hell of an age, what with the spots, greasy skin, lanky hair and hatred of parents. Mind you, does God have a mum and dad? Now there's a theological conundrum for you.

DCveR said...

You really got me with that one.
I dunno.
That is the big question, where does God come from. But one thing I can tell you: if He does have parents and if His parents are Roman Catholics He surely got grounded after making such a messy Universe. Well, even if this wasn't a messy Universe He would get grounded just the same.

Dan Flynn said...

Yup I agree, leaving the universe in this mess, what with everything scattered over such a wide area and nothing put away is bound to get God grounded. I was raised a Roman Catholic and got grounded for being a Catholic. I remember when I was tiny being told in class by this priest that if I missed mass on Sunday I'd go straight to hell and be burned for all eternity. Another little boy asked if that applied to non catholics becuase they didn't go to mass? A killer question if ever there was one. The priest calmly declared to us that this rule only applied to catholics because we were expected to know better. I remember being appalled at the unfairness of this and so began a steady disillusionment with catholicism and God. I now reject the existence of God, am no longer a catholic and therefore my place in the fiery pit of Beelzibub where for all eternity I would have suffered pain, horror and indignity, has no doubt been given over to someone else.

DCveR said...

As it happens I was raised a Roman Catholic too. This means either our parents were wrong or... after your post and all these comments the first of us who dies starts the bbq and the second one brings along the cold beers, 'cause we'll be meeting down there.

Dan Flynn said...

D,

I think I'd prefer it down there, after all there'll be no fun in heaven cos drink is banned as the Devil's work. And besides my idea of hell would be to spend eternity with a population of santimonious arses going on about how good they are, and those white stain free smocks, pulleeeze! Down below the Devil has the best songs, sex, debauchery and hot food, hey it sounds like heaven. And so what if the beer's warm? At least its beer!

Anonymous said...

I went to a Catholic school in Guyana. Nuns ran the school, and some of them...ooooh, man, they could really whoop someone with a piece of long thin cane that can hardly break. The conclusion i came to regarding nuns,is not a pretty thought..

Regarding thoughts on God, right now, there is a debate as to if its Gods wrath for the reason we are having all of these hurricanes.

Something to ponder, do you think that there is only one earth in this large universe of ours? I dont think so..this world we live in is so darn ole...

and if God does have parents, how does the holy trinity work then?

DCveR said...

kf mama, after thorough thought on your hard questions I've come to the conclusion that if there are more planets like ours it proves He was a child, an adult would make one and see what would come out of it. We know earth, most of all we know mankind, if an adult God were to make another earth man would be striken of creation. A God wouldn't make the same mistake twice. As for the holly trinity it's a bit more tricky and I can't seem to find a solution for it just now. Sure hope Dan comes to the rescue on that issue...

Dan Flynn said...

Ahh KFM,
The holy trinity? A tricky business this God stuff. I suspect God was having a drink one Friday night, probably some Russian vodka, extra powerful, and he got really drunk and found himself in the celestial bathroom staring into the mirror that's above the wash basin. Everything's moving, shifting eerily from side to side, is it one God he sees, or maybe two, 60% Stolichnaya promises nothing less than three of everything so God decides to give them names, as a harmless bit of fun. God the father, God the son and fuzzy one on the end God the holy ghost. But little did he know...

Re Hurricanes, if that's God's wrath it's not very specific. However one message does come across loud and clear "I hate the Carribean and the Gulf of Mexico." I bet he's even got a sticker.

Re only one earth I'm reminded of football chants here in the UK done to the tune of Guantanamera and it might go like this..."One blue planet, there's only one blue planet, one blue plaaaaaanet, there's only one blue plaaaaaanet..."