the UK news this week when a couple split up after she had an affair. The affair was exposed by the man's parrot who apparently is an excellent mimic. The woman, whom we might call Karen was having a dalliance with her boyfriend's best mate, whom we can call Darren. Farren, the boyfriend got wind that something was amiss when the parrot using perfectly modulated Karen tones took to saying, 'I love you Darren. I love you Darren.' Karen apparently did not deny the affair and has since left Farren and his parrot for the warm arms of Darren, but not before telling a local newspaper that she was driven to the affair because Farren loved that bird more than he ever did her. Farren responded by saying he was gutted, shame the same couldn't have been said about the parrot.
A tale of woe that confirms an iron rule in the Flynn household, never let a pet into your home because if they're not shitting on your carpets they're shitting on your relationships.
Today the weather in Manchester has been beautiful with clear skies, a winter sun and icy cold temperatures. Manchester has its fair share of statuary and they irritate me no end for on nearly every plinth is some Victorian businessman or other such worthy. In Piccadilly Gardens there's a statue to Victoria herself where she sits on a throne looking every inch like Jabba the Hutt, sort of hugely bulbous and with a very low centre of gravity. At her feet are angels who look up in an awe without doubt inspired by the consequences for them should her Imperial Bigness ever fall off. You can see in this statue how the sculptor has struggled to convey enormous power and authority and at the same time not make the real Queen seem like a person who was generally more comfortable only when in proximity to a crane. In the end he obviously abandoned delicacy for bulk and so she squats like an enormous toad at the South Eastern corner of Piccadilly Gardens. Interestingly her head is also of a very strange proportion perched as it is like a bowling ball atop a pile of bath towels. The City Fathers bless them have recently installed a pissoir within weeing distance though I'm not sure the two things are related.
Don't get me wrong I'm not against statuary and the like I just prefer them a little more democratic for instance I'm particularly impressed by the statue of 'Alison Lapper Pregnant' that currently adorns a plinth in London's Trafalgar Square, and I love 'The Angel of the North' in Gateshead (which is what they call South Newcastle) and Manchester's 'The 'B' of the Bang'. I just don't like statues of miserable undemocratic rich bastards who did nothing of worth other than be grasping and greedy, the fuckers.
Still, the weather remained nice, so that was something.
10 comments:
Dan, you'd get more readers if you wrote stories with graphic sex. A bit of angst thrown in wouldn't hurt either.
In spite of that, still superb writing.
Anonymous,
Whoever you are, thanks for the compliment. You suggest graphic sex and angst would have them rolling in, well, that would be too easy now wouldn't it? And I wouldn't want to make it too easy, besides this is how I prefer to write.
I presume your anonymity is because you perhaps owe me money?
keep it up Dan, and we'll keep reading. Love your stuff and am so glad you're back!
Hayden,
Thanks for that. Glad to be back!
Haven't seen Queen Victoria in Manchester, but it sounds like it matches the one of Prince Albert in Kensington Gardens for hideousness. I love Anthony Gormley too, he's great.
Annie,
He currently has a magnificent sculpture on Formby beach in Liverpool. It takes the form of 100 cast iron life size upright figures. They go a kilometre out into the surf and 3k up the shallow beach so there's lots of space between each figure. Pretty impressive and it's there until next until spring 07. If you make it up to the North West during the next 12 months try and get along to see it. After Liverpool it's off to New York.
We have a statue of Queen Victoria in front of our court house. It is large. Very large.
Blasted parrot. Always blabbing off their beaks. One cussed me in town.
G,
I quite like the idea of parrots flying around and cursing people. A way of keeping us in line I suspect. As for Queen Victoria in Georgetown, a waste of a good statue if you ask me. I wonder if a huge parrot statue might do the trick, a cussing parrot. It would certainly be a topic for local conversation.
First things first: you are posting using blogger, right? After you click "create" to start a new post you get a window where you can write that new post. Bellow the title box, on the frame of the box where you write you have several icons, one of them is a globe with two links. Write your text, select the area where you want the link, press that globe icon. A new window opens, write the address of the link, click "ok". That is the easy way.
I would have thought Victoria's portrayers to be in a rather delicate situation, has any artist who is to portray a not so nice and definitely not good looking ruler those days. Parrots can outlive their owners, so there is always the chance they don't disclose your secrets but for your children...
D,
Thanks for the advice when I get a moment I shall study your words and learn how to insert links because it's a pain not being able to.
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