Pestilence beaten off by goats...

or so reported the Hereford Examiner and Armpit in 1630. "The plague plagued our town for nearly 6 months until we got a goat. People stopped dying and began to recover if only long enough to crawl away from the disgusting stench. Now goats are everywhere and the pestilence has moved on to another county so that's okay. Any downsides? Well, they do eat your washing and fart a lot but apart from that everything's tickety boo. One last thing though, they're a nightmare with crockery. But as we're all too poor to afford crockery its not something we think about.”

In these more modern times a rumour is afoot that the Great Orme Goats, aware of their anti-pestilent past are angling to become features in most people's houses.

To make homes safe for our cloven hoofed comrades the following is important. Goats are sensitive creatures with a propensity for leaping upwards if startled. When husbanding such large animals safety must be a byword, well, that and scaffold. One underpins the familial bond the other the mantelpiece and shelves. The risk to crockery, ornaments, perishables and especially laundry cannot be underestimated. Veterinarians suggest a sturdy door, cabinet or wooden box will keep the even most fecund of goats at bay. The same for choking hazards and especially those small items sometimes found in the noses of children.

Finally, on the issue of stench. It is true that you will stink and no one will visit or come near but ipso facto social distance will be achieved. Let's hear it for goats. Huzzah!