Tuesday, April 07, 2020

A "magic toilet"...

currently under development will identify the sitter through their analprint or so reports today's Guardian newspaper.

Incidentally 'Analprint' were a post punk band touring Wigan and Widnes 30 or so years ago. Their debut album, It Hurts When I Sit, did not chart and was described as “drivel” by Kerrang! magazine.

On a more serious note the toilet utilises video recording, pressure sensors and an artificial intelligence to monitor the sitter's health. Measurements will include how long the sitter sat, how long the sitter shat, and the quality and consistency of said shit. Analprints are as distinctive as fingerprints and law enforcement hope to develop the technology to reduce crime. However, the only crime so far identified is photocopier abuse at office parties. A police spokesperson said of the new database, "Our intention is to reduce both crime and the unnecessary use of wet wipes at office parties. In addition we hope the latter will play a small part in saving the rainforest. Thank you.”

The AI's view is not yet available, however, a spokesvoice for The Guild of AI's, Laptops and Associated White Goods said, "Whilst a toilet is not an ideal posting we believe it’s right that everyone should start at the bottom."

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