Of late my car has...

been plagued with thumping noises from under the bonnet so I took it to a garage. The aged mechanic said "Leave it with me and I'll phone once I've identified the problem."

"Fair enough." I said and walked the couple of streets to my office. He phoned later.

"I've identified the problem." He said.

"Oh yes?" I said.

"Yes." He said.

Then followed a silence until I said "And?"

He replied, "And what?"

"What have you discovered?"

"It's a car troll."

"A what?"

"A car troll."

"A car troll?" I repeated.

"A car troll."

So I said " What's a car troll?"

And he replied "A troll that lives in cars."

So I said "A troll that lives in cars?"

And he said "Yes."

So I said, "I didn't think trolls really existed."

And he said, "Well there's one in your car."

So I said, "What's it doing?"

And he said "I think its lurking."

"Lurking?" I said.

"Lurking." He replied.

"Is this a common problem? " I asked.

"I don't know." He said. "Is it a common problem?"

So I said, "How should I know?"

And he replied "Well, it's your car."

There then followed a silence.

So I said, "What is it doing?"

And he said, "What's what doing?"

"The troll."

"It's just sitting there, looking bedraggled on a little shelf just behind the engine."

So I say "Well tell it to fuck off."

"Fuck off?" He says.

"Fuck right off." I say.

Later the garage urchin accepted £60 in payment though being illiterate offered no receipt however before returning the keys he did press a greasy thumb to my cheek. I'd not driven far when loud thumping began from the engine compartment. Furious, I stopped the car jerked up the bonnet and made room as the aged mechanic climbed out.

Wiping his oily rag around his oily neck he said "Sorry about that."

We stood together for a moment until I said.

"The troll fucked off then?"

And he said "What troll?"

So I ran him over.