Monday, February 12, 2007

In Raymond Carver's short...

story 'The Hair' a man is bothered to such an extent by a tiny hair caught in his teeth he feels unwell, leaves work, travels home, falls asleep and has nightmares. What begins as a small irritant by the day's end achieves proportions that affect his sense of self, his sense of wellbeing, indeed the very foundations of whom he actually is. Adobe Photoshop 5 is currently achieving the same results with me. I know, I know, in the past I've loved AP5 with a passion bordering on the indecent and have blogged to that effect, however it's now playing me up and so my patience is wearing thin. Newspapers can be read through my patience so thin has it become, indeed street urchins have noticed and shout "Look at that man's patience. It is so thin. Ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha" then they throw old cabbage until today that is when one threw a fridge door. And to think I only used to wonder where they got the cabbage.

That crack in my bathroom wall has shifted again and the stair carpet is fraying near the top where I could slip, plunge down the stairs, maybe to land on this cup or this trap.

Tomorrow I'm gonna take my pc to the menders, get bloody photoshop mended. Just got to find a safe way out of the house, past creaky radiators and laughing mice. Might creep out, could pretend to be only visiting, perhaps reading a meter. How much gas? And he lives alone? That's not a carbon footprint it's a bloody indentation...

Bollocks, think I'll stay in bed...

3 comments:

Hayden said...

by now you have noticed, I assume, the eyes peering at you through the crack in the bathroom wall. not guyanese children, no, more likely alley cats or mice.

I'm quite certain of this, and am telling you only for your own good.

time to have it stuffed and sealed up for good. Trap them inside, like the house of Usher.

Anonymous said...

There is very famous-in-New-Zealand short film (I think it's by Jane Campion) where a woman finds a hair in the sink and pulls it and pulls it and pulls it and pulls a huge hairy man out of the drain. Then she shaves him with a dry razor. That bit always put my teeth on edge.

Dan Flynn said...

Hayden

You're right of course. It's either the crack or me. One of us has to go. Apparently Oscar Wilde looked at the wallpaper of his cheap room as he lay dying in poverty in Paris and observed 'One of us will have to go' And unfortunately it was him...

Sarah,

Don't know much about Sarah Campion except for The Piano which I though a brilliant movie.