phantom limbs have been at the forefront of my mind this week. I think the right knee is sending a message. I think the right knee, currently knackered, pretends not to be. I think my right knee seeks to persuade me it is a phantom knee and therefore functions properly like a proper knee.
But I am not persuaded. I am wise to its tricks. My knee is knackered and no amount of tomfoolery will stop it being put in a huge magnet and scanned. Nothing will stop it being resonated. Nothing will stop it being imaged.
The right knee had better watch it, had better get with the programme or become an ex knee. Which is tantamount to moving out, making space or a lee where even a phantom knee might find a berth.
My right knee better get a fucking grip. Cos there's gonna be trouble in kneesville. Believe me.
4 comments:
I seriously hope you and your right knee can get along.
When my knee talks to me, it's often "Holy god! Screaming pain! You totally suck! Take it easy you retard!"
I rather think the phantom approach would be a relief.
K,
the knee and me have our differences. Differences that deepened last September when whilst jogging said knee 'popped'. Physio thinks it's a torn cartilage, me? I think it's a poor do that knee arrived with a lifetime guarantee. I read the small print. However since September that knee has become idle, it has become a philanderer, out all night, wild parties etc. The upshot is the knee has to be taught a lesson; so, the big magnet it is then. And no messing!
Jay,
Never trust a knee that blasphemes, or drinks alcohol, or smokes, or whispers under its breath. The Catholic Inquisition, to soften up its victims prior to sticking burning pokers up their bums used to say, "Show him/her the instruments of torture." Most would confess immediately. Taking a leaf from their book I've begun leaving medical magazines like ‘Knee Monthly’ around the house, and dontcha just love whoever writes their 'The day my knife slipped' column. I also subscribe to ‘Weeping Gizzards’ –What they are and how to treat them – but only for the shock value.
One way or another though, I will prevail. Oh yes, I will prevail.
Post a Comment