has upset the Catholic Church. Astonishingly they are complaining the film is not an accurate representation of history. Now, I've seen Da Vinci's The Last Supper (TLS) and apart from the goat it seems a fair representation of that fateful night. At Christ's feet lie a pair of samsonite suitcases (to symbolise leaving) leaning against the wall some ladders (to symbolise upwards) and finally there's a man with a hammer (to symbolise hammering). Christ is reaching for another drink, a taxi is idling outside and Peter is arguing with John over who ordered the creme brulee. Early drafts of TLS, now lost in time showed the work to be populated with not 12 apostles but 26 plus local boy band 'The Huge Dumplings'. Indeed more than once over the evening an intoxicated Jesus remarks on how much the drummer reminds him of his dog Herod. A fight is only averted when Jesus apologises for observing rather too loudly that both Herod and the hapless percussionist seem to share the same grin. Police are called but leave when reassured he intended no insult.
As the door closed Jesus was heard to mutter, 'He's the fucking spit of Herod, I'm telling you." A comment it was fortunate for history the officer ignored.
It is a little known Galilean fact that around the time of Jesus's death it became fashionable amongst young musicians to replace their teeth with canine dentures. In public health terms this led to a decrease in rabies infections not because the carriers could no longer bite their victims but rather because dogs with no teeth whistle and this became a warning to everyone that trouble was near. Sadly there was also a concomitant increase in the shooting of delivery people.
At this juncture I must mention the body of Caleb slumped just behind Jesus and whose unconscious hand is pointing at Judas. The symbolism here may seem straightforward, a drunk, someone who might aptly be described as poisoned with excess has fallen to the ground and fatefully points a finger of responsibility. Judas can be seen recoiling as if struck. Unfortunately for conspiracy theorists Caleb was a notorious drinker who suffered a significant childhood trauma that froze his hand into an accusing posture. What we really see therefore is simply a consequence of the way he fell. Incidentally, the childhood trauma from which he never recovered happened when as a three year old he was set upon by an early whistling dog.
One final point about TLS that is worth remembering when listening to the attacks made by the Catholic Church on 'The Da Vinci Code'. Sporting an engagement ring and beaming smile the person sitting in Jesus's lap is Mary Magdalene.
8 comments:
first.
staring numb, thoughts disordered. Humm.
Hayden,
Numb? The critics over here are saying the film's a turkey. Numb bum more like.
Kathy,
Hey, it just flows, it just flows. I think the driving dynamic is my intense dislike of the Catholic Church. Was battered to hell by it's representatives when I was a child so I'm still grinding an axe, I'm afraid.
"complaining the film is not an accurate representation of history"????
I'm almost affraid of watching the movie because I liked the book... although when I read it it was a fictional story. The author says it is a fictional story. Yes it is based on some historical facts, some theories and plenty of speculation, but nonetheless fiction. Is there a new definition for fiction that I'm unaware of?
It's all about the sequitors, non and otherwise. or lack of. It isn't just the Catholic Church, but also the apparent fact that you studied a bit too much art history.
but even that doesn't explain it, does it? It's the meandering way you put dog's teeth in men's mouths, shoot delivery boys for being mistaken for dogs, and have a penultimate paragraph shaped by a contorted hand that links back to dogs with no teeth.
seems to me here that you're the one that puts plenty of teeth into your stories...
a question remains. Herod. Did he have teeth or did he whistle? If he whistled was he accompanying the percussionist at the time the unfortunate comparison was made?
your stories don't need a moral. they have a fearsome bite.
D,
Tut tut tut. That novel, which I've read from cover to cover is the unvarnished truth. Believe me, I know.
Hayden,
As ever thanks fer the analysis. Regarding Herod's teeth, yes the percussionist was wearing them. Indeed the following morning Herod left Jesus's custody and went off touring with the band. He changed his name to Whistling Wilf the Wannabee Wolfhound from Waring. Got a record deal in Nazareth. Lost touch with Jesus, took too many drugs then really lost touch. Shame really, dog had beautiful gums, people said they were his finest feature. Funny how life turns out sometimes, dontchathink?
does this stuff just flow or do you need to plot it out?
Hayden,
Regarding plotting. This is what I do. Generally throughout the day when I'm planning a blog I think about stuff that's happening in the world, or stuff I see. Essentially I'm looking for a hook, a subject. More often than not a theme or issue or object interests me for instance not being able to secure lunch on the North Yorkshire Moors because all the pubs seem to advertise food but fail to mention availability. It was very annoying. Three elements clicked in my head: The bleak and beautiful moors (a Baskervilleish place if ever there was one); how irritating the local economy was to city folk who expect everything on tap and on time; and the brilliant movie An American Werewolf in London.
The film was the driving theme throughout that blog because its really funny and astonishingly dark. If you have not seen the movie don't rent a copy buy it. I've seen it god knows how many times and it never fails to make me laugh and it never fails to chill.
So, all the elements are present. A journey, a strange place, stuff that's funny.
I just had those three ideas and off I went.
Re The Da Vinci Code, just had some ideas, mixed in my visceral hatred of The Catholic Church (not a hatred of catholics just the official church, after all my mum's a church going catholic as is most of my family. And by the way they're used to my extreme views.) I wrote the first sentence about 8 times (seriously!) and then I was off. As I write the ideas flow and fall into order. It takes me about 2 to 3 hours to get all the elements into place. Then I read it aloud to myself a couple of times and post it. Getting the jokes right is the hardest bit because the sentence clauses have to be in the right order, and this can make a difference between a smile and a laugh. And as you know the purpose is to MAKE EM LAUGH. (cf Donald O'Connor 'Singing in the Rain')
Interesting. sorry if the shop talk takes some of the glitter off for others, was going to email you but I couldn't find one listed.
fascinating stuff. I'm always interested in other people's process. I use my blog differently. Well, as a reader, you know that.
have seen American Werewolf: it left a lasting impression but it sounds like I should take another look. Or two...
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