God declares for Evolution. Interviewed in a evening newspaper he said. "I hold my hands up, I was wrong." An ashen faced God declared that only one day's rest since the big bang had addled his thinking. He told our reporter it was a swivel eyed tambourine banging Creationist who did for him. "He just would not shut the fuck up!" Said God. "So I thought bollocks I'm throwing my lot in with Darwin, man had a bigger beard than me but I'll not let such trifles put me off a damn good theory." Shaken by this momentous event God told us of his future plans. "I'm thinking of a return to College, maybe do a course, study snails. Neat little guys, quite inoffensive, never upset anyone. Unlike those who argue for Intelligent Design. You see there's nothing Intelligent about the universe at all. It wasn't invented, it came about via natural processes and you know what? The biggest secret of all? So did I." God laughed, shook his head and said "That's why Creationism's a crock of shit. Hmmm, could do with a stiff drink. Hope the Student's Union is open. Cheap beer. Fantastic! Couldn't lend us a fiver could you?" The chalkboard indicated Happy Hour had begun and our intrepid reporter's last sight was of God forcing his way through the student throng.
In tomorrow's edition: A 24 hour drinking spree, God goes partying and tries drugs for the first time. "I'm completely off my face." Says a sweat soaked God before throwing himself once more into the dance floor melee.
6 comments:
That's why it has been snowing in the Algarve, god got wasted! I wonder if he'll get a hell of a hangover?!
D,
I reckon a messianic migraine is truly a wonder to behold.
That is sufficiently iconoclastic for me to delurk in appreciation. Although the trunk dogs might have done it if I hadn't missed reading you for the last couple of days.
D,
I was out boozing in Manchester last night and I'm sure I stepped over God who was prone on the pavement with his head in the gutter calling for his mum. Strangely his mum was named Ruuuuuuuuuuutttttttthhhhhhhhhhhhrrgggghhheow. And there were bits of carrot in his beard.
Z,
Re the trunk dogs, I am but a citizen with rational thoughts of road safety never far from my mind and an irrational dislike of household pets crowding in just behind. Trunk dogs? It'd be doing them a favour, honest. Contributing to the public good, can there be a more noble cause?
omg, d'ya think god is appearing in a drunken stupor simultaneously all over the globe? I coulda' sworn I saw him last night at the Cafe Gratitude, -http://www.withthecurrent.com/cafe.html -arguing drunkenly with a waitress over the affirmation she was offering him with his macrobiotic rice - and this morning I saw an absolute photo likeness of him on my omelet! Ate it anyway of course....
Hayden,
It might have been God, I understand he's a strict vegetarian. Likes a drink tho, and is particularly popular at weddings. He's got a trick he learned from his son, something to do with water and wine. Impresses everyone who sees it.
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