Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Manchester...

seems to be going through a massive construction programme of boozers and student digs. Every second building is a bar named Colon or Meek. Undergraduates lurk in nooks and crannies many becoming trapped in the shoes of pedestrians. An experience akin to stepping on a slug though without the squashy, and that muffled "Oy!" as they wake up can really make a person jump. Generally the student body is harmless as it moves from site to site, from lecture to seminar in vast heaving migrations through the southern half of Manchester's city centre, which incidentally is also the largest student campus in Europe.

Using excellent graphics a recent history book shows the route and size of Napoleon's grand army as it invaded Russia in 1812, laid seige to Moscow and was then forced by General Winter into an ignominious retreat. You can see the wide swathe as tens upon tens of thousands of troops cross the eastern borders into Imperial Russia. Many battles are fought but the real attrition begins with winter and the great retreat. All but a trickle make it to their final destination, to their dream of a return once more to France. Far too many fall by the wayside and are never seen again. I suspect if we did a poll of how many students make it past the bars we might be looking at a similar demographic.

6 comments:

Mimi NY said...

What do you do in manchester mad dan, aside from exercise your sarcasm on a deserving british public? Oh and I took your advice and spoke to the guy. Five days text free and counting... ah me. You men.

Dan Flynn said...

Mimi,

I save children in Manchester. Social worker, tramping the mean streets.

Re the advice, I came to it years ago when I pissed myself off by dithering too long over something. So I took stock, hitched up me pants and fucking well made a decision. It wasn't even over a woman. Always stood me in good stead since tho cos I hate that whiny voice in the head saying (generally in whimpering snivelling miserable fuckwit tone) What shall I do? Shall I do this? Shall I do that? Shall I just fucking well sit here and implode into a steaming mush of indecision? WELL, FUCK OFF!!!!!!Doing anything is better than doing nothing.

I find that usually works for me.

As for the You men quip. Ha ha, fortunately we're not all the same or else I'd be a cretin. Though isn't it interesting that those bluetooth ear sets seem to be worn only by blokes? Fuck knows what's going on there, maybe they think it looks cool to have a small machine stuck to the head. From an unscientific study (by me) I reckon the knob quotient amongst this cohort to to be really quite high. Everytime I see one I want to wrench it out and shout "NOTHING IN YOUR MISERABLE FUCKING LIFE IS SO IMPORTANT YOU NEED ONE OF THOSE. STOP TRYING TO SHOW OFF, WE'RE NOT IMPRESSED. I BET YOU HAVEN'T EVEN GOT A GIRLFRIEND, COS IF YOU DID SHE WOULDN'T LET YOU GO OUT LOOKING LIKE SUCH A DICK." I would then stamp on the machine and feel immediately better.

Mimi NY said...

execellent answer young man. Do you consequently have a Coronation Street accent?

Dan Flynn said...

Mimi, me old mucker, me old cock sparrow. I'm a geordie, from the North East. Actually it's Sunderland where we're called Mackems not Geordies. Fuck knows what Mackem means. Apparently though Geordie used to be a term of derision dating back the time of that mad old bastard George III. People from Newcastle were phenomenally attached to the purple pissing loon. Hence the name. Whereas you Mimi, you seem to be from everywhere. And why might that be sweety? Restless legs? Restless heart? And what's NY like, I can't decide whether it's a madhouse, a dump, a top place or all those things. Quite fancy giving Canada the once over when I can get my shit together.

Mimi NY said...

ha, I'll answer that one when I haven't been stuck in an office all day...

Sony said...

Hi Big Dan,

Just thought I should let you know that mackem is short for 'Make Them' and geordies are known as takems as in 'Take Them'. So the mackems used to make things and takems used to take the things.

I don't know if this makes sense but this is what I was told by one of my teachers in school (He was from Sunderland)